De De, Pyaar De
My close friend Rohan’s Wife Bhavita read my last article “Who Cares” and called me. In the concluding part of the article, I wrote that parents get worried if their daughters cross 30 years of age (and are yet unmarried), without bothering whether she or the guy have within themselves what it takes to marry. Yes, family background, financial background, looks have their own place in this decision, but what about the mental readiness needed to sustain the relationship. So Bhavita called and asked if there can be a check-list to know this potentiality of readiness. In other words, she enquired simply if one could know if one is qualified to marry. It gave me the raw – material for this article. A few points, as I understand life and love, are listed:
1. Learn to accept and adapt to the other person as he/she is with all his/her weaknesses. You do not need to agree with or endorse those weaknesses.
2. Understand that every person is on their own journey of evolution and has a different perception, perspective.
3. Everyone is fully right from their own perspective.
4. Nobody has the jurisdiction to impose a change onto the other. Let your love and understanding be a catalyst.
5. Your love and charitable disposition is a gift from the Lord to dissolve the hurt you feel when the other does things which do not fit into your mental pattern. And we say “Love Hurts.” No, no, Love dissolves the hurt.
6. The more you need the other, the lesser can you love them.
7. Love gives freedom, in fact, it only gives, gives, gives. But our love is more like a business transaction – I will give if you also reciprocate. Our marriage today is of two rich beggars, with a strong sense of possessiveness. Osho says it is a sin to call even an object mine, leave aside living people, that too the people whom we claim to love.
8. A for-sure sign of love in a marriage is when it increases with the passage of Time. If it does not, and in fact, if it decreases (as it does in most cases), we must realize that it was not love to start with but ‘Moha’(attachment/attraction) which declines with Time and proximity, finally leading to boredom.
9. Love/Marriage means you offer a commitment to her, not demand it. Your care, your self-offering will earn you her commitment. But we want to demand everything from life without earning it.
10. She needs your Time, attention, affection, and love. Instead, you give her a dress, necklace, gifts. It won’t work.
I have already said this before but I need to repeat that I am still attempting to imbibe some of the above points in my life and therefore the Lord in all his wisdom has not yet sanctioned marriage for me.
Well, we want to marry once we reach a so-called marriageable age, but without wanting to even imbibe any of its qualificatory requirements. The latest Ajay Devgan movie released this week is titled “De De Pyaar De” (Give, Give your love). Well, who is ready to live “Le, Le, Pyaar Le.”
1. Learn to accept and adapt to the other person as he/she is with all his/her weaknesses. You do not need to agree with or endorse those weaknesses.
2. Understand that every person is on their own journey of evolution and has a different perception, perspective.
3. Everyone is fully right from their own perspective.
4. Nobody has the jurisdiction to impose a change onto the other. Let your love and understanding be a catalyst.
5. Your love and charitable disposition is a gift from the Lord to dissolve the hurt you feel when the other does things which do not fit into your mental pattern. And we say “Love Hurts.” No, no, Love dissolves the hurt.
6. The more you need the other, the lesser can you love them.
7. Love gives freedom, in fact, it only gives, gives, gives. But our love is more like a business transaction – I will give if you also reciprocate. Our marriage today is of two rich beggars, with a strong sense of possessiveness. Osho says it is a sin to call even an object mine, leave aside living people, that too the people whom we claim to love.
8. A for-sure sign of love in a marriage is when it increases with the passage of Time. If it does not, and in fact, if it decreases (as it does in most cases), we must realize that it was not love to start with but ‘Moha’(attachment/attraction) which declines with Time and proximity, finally leading to boredom.
9. Love/Marriage means you offer a commitment to her, not demand it. Your care, your self-offering will earn you her commitment. But we want to demand everything from life without earning it.
10. She needs your Time, attention, affection, and love. Instead, you give her a dress, necklace, gifts. It won’t work.
I have already said this before but I need to repeat that I am still attempting to imbibe some of the above points in my life and therefore the Lord in all his wisdom has not yet sanctioned marriage for me.
Well, we want to marry once we reach a so-called marriageable age, but without wanting to even imbibe any of its qualificatory requirements. The latest Ajay Devgan movie released this week is titled “De De Pyaar De” (Give, Give your love). Well, who is ready to live “Le, Le, Pyaar Le.”
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