Merchant of Love
A young friend (my old ex student) exclaimed helplessly, 'Oh sir, I know her since more than 10 years and more so lately and I want to give all my love, care and concern to her. I have told her so. But all her feelings are blocked for some other guy who (for reasons best known to him) is unable to accept her. And yet she's not able to break free emotionally. And is thereby unavailable to feel anything for me.' I told him to chill first and said, ' Her state is understandable and she needs you more today as her bestest friend who will stand by her and listen to her periodic heart bursts and give her space. You can still give your pure love, care and concern which should not diminish even a little just because she's unable and unwilling to reciprocate your feelings. Modulate and mould your feelings to give her your love in the form and extent she needs today and not in the form you wish to give. Can you do that for her sake?' His eyes sparkled. I know something deep within ( where true love resides) had got triggered.
A week later he came and said ' I told her everything you said in more or less the same words. Can I be your bestest friend. I also told her all the criterias of a bestest friend. I felt very fulfilled and happy. And you know what she said. She did not want me to be her bestest friend at the cost of me losing my self identity. All the criterias I mentioned would put her into so much pressure since she did not have anything to give back to me. She was not comfortable since there was no balance in this, it was too one sided in her favour for it had nothing in it for me. I tried hard to convince her that I was very happy doing this for her but she dint endorse the proposal. So what do I do now?'
I said, ' My dear, can't you see her subtle care and concern for you in this? She doesn't want you to loose yourself for her. Which girl in the world would want to say no to someone's unconditional love and care the way you are offering it. So you need to salute her stand and understanding. So see it this way and you will be overwhelmed more by her selfless gesture. I know now why she is so precious to you. She deserves your cherishing her in all respects.'
Finally he said, 'Oh yes! She's the best. So what do I do now?'
Then I said, 'Be a merchant of love. Continue to give her what she needs, in the form she needs, in the space she grants. And maybe, she will change and come running to you but that may take many years. And it may not happen also that way. So don't do your bit in the hope that she will someday relent. Do it since it gives you the highest joy and peace.'
He had tears in his sparkling eyes when he said, ' And what if she finds anyone else for whom her bell rings soon and she goes away.' I choked and said, ' So wish her well, be happy in her happiness and let her go. Infact can you pray to the lord to put some sense into that guy whom she likes and he finally agrees to marry her.' He was stunned since that was too challenging for him. He left with a smile. Perhaps, he had now understood fully what it is to be a MERCHANT OF LOVE.
- Anjan Dangarwala
A week later he came and said ' I told her everything you said in more or less the same words. Can I be your bestest friend. I also told her all the criterias of a bestest friend. I felt very fulfilled and happy. And you know what she said. She did not want me to be her bestest friend at the cost of me losing my self identity. All the criterias I mentioned would put her into so much pressure since she did not have anything to give back to me. She was not comfortable since there was no balance in this, it was too one sided in her favour for it had nothing in it for me. I tried hard to convince her that I was very happy doing this for her but she dint endorse the proposal. So what do I do now?'
I said, ' My dear, can't you see her subtle care and concern for you in this? She doesn't want you to loose yourself for her. Which girl in the world would want to say no to someone's unconditional love and care the way you are offering it. So you need to salute her stand and understanding. So see it this way and you will be overwhelmed more by her selfless gesture. I know now why she is so precious to you. She deserves your cherishing her in all respects.'
Finally he said, 'Oh yes! She's the best. So what do I do now?'
Then I said, 'Be a merchant of love. Continue to give her what she needs, in the form she needs, in the space she grants. And maybe, she will change and come running to you but that may take many years. And it may not happen also that way. So don't do your bit in the hope that she will someday relent. Do it since it gives you the highest joy and peace.'
He had tears in his sparkling eyes when he said, ' And what if she finds anyone else for whom her bell rings soon and she goes away.' I choked and said, ' So wish her well, be happy in her happiness and let her go. Infact can you pray to the lord to put some sense into that guy whom she likes and he finally agrees to marry her.' He was stunned since that was too challenging for him. He left with a smile. Perhaps, he had now understood fully what it is to be a MERCHANT OF LOVE.
- Anjan Dangarwala
Absolutely loved this
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