I Love You

A close friend asked me “Why do I suffer so much in the relationship when I just want to love him? Why there is so much anxiety, fear, anger, grief I go through in this?”  The truth is that in love, there is really no place for any of the above energy-sucking emotions. In most cases (exceptions few apart), when it is said, “I love you,” it normally means (consciously or otherwise), “I want to possess and enjoy your presence in my life.” It all starts with a thought, “She is mine alone to own/possess.” This thought is extremely intoxicating to start with and our untrained, unexamined mind is unable to see the veiled Satan in it. The Geeta rightly observes in a different context that what is nectar in the beginning is poison at the end and vice-versa. Instead of dismissing this first thought, we strengthen it while we get to know the other more, resulting in a strong attachment leading finally to a desire to ‘get’ her. The intoxication reaches its pleasurable peak. Of course, this does not apply just to a him or her, but to everything we seek to possess and enjoy eg. wealth, possessions, fame, vanity, and last but not the least our children too are not spared in this seeming experience of love. A very natural outcome of this is anger when this desire is intercepted by a person or a situation. All anger is ultimately an expression of displeasure when the hidden (unconscious) agenda to possess and enjoy stands thwarted, but we justify it saying, “I am angry because I care and love.” On the other hand, if our desire is fulfilled by that person, it often leads to Greed that she should always fulfil it in future too. In case of wealth, possessions, fame, etc., arrogance is likely to arise towards those who have less than what we have, and envy towards them who have more than us. In this scenario of intense attachment, even a thought of losing the person/object of our attachment will generate a fear neurosis, and an actual Loss will cause intense grief. These uncontrolled emotions leads to Delusion, loss of memory of what others have done for us earlier especially when we get angry. Our Buddhi (intellect) is unable to discharge its duty of sound reasoning, proper assessment, and guiding the mind. There is a possibility of a complete breakdown of our personality. And it all started with a simple thought, “She/wealth/possession/child/fame etc. is mine to possess and enjoy” veiled as ‘I love you.”

P.S.: The above thought-flow of ‘The Ladder of Fall’ is beautifully encapsulated in the Geeta – Chapter 2 Verse 62, 63. I suggest that you can contemplate more on these 2 verses with a commentary of many enlightened souls on the Geeta. Guru it… Sorry Google it.


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