Some Feelings..Some Words...From The Heart...

The one Question which seems to be untiring about me is “Why are you not married?” While I have no answer about this, a few thoughts on it do surface. Initially when the marriage “season” originated in my life, it was an egoistic thought of meeting the one who will be able to take care of my insanity. When immature wisdom dawned a little later, the thought changed to “Will I be able to take care of her?” But still immature, since it was devoid of the understanding that real care can be possible only when we observe religiously the laws of emotions, unselfishness, and of giving. Do we know or even feel the need to know what it takes to keep our life partner ever happy, cheerful, secure, and loving? Can we be unselfish enough to honour the commitments we make in our wedding vows?  Ofcourse, most of us do not even know what we are committing in the marriage ceremony. If we knew, then the question of divorce and disrespect cannot arise. But alas, we choose our partner using criteri...

Last month I selected a few people from my blog list and had sent to them an appeal for financial help to enable a poor blind couple deliver their first child. Normally, a close friend of mine keeps aside a certain amount every month to aid education / health expenses of the needy. But in the above case, the expense (Hospitalisation, sonographies, medicines) was far exceeding her budget for an individual project. The response I got from my chosen blog friends was truly overwhelming. Some provided immediate financial help, some didn’t even want to go through the supporting documents I had sent to each of them, some others gave their verbal support/appreciation, some wondered whether charity is a good idea as it can cripple the recipient’s self-effort, one of them called me and said, “Who asked them to conceive if they cannot afford the child,” (and the person sent her contribution that day itself), while one said, “Arre Anjan, there is no end to this, how many people can you and me hel...

A young friend (my old ex student) exclaimed helplessly, 'Oh sir, I know her since more than 10 years and more so lately and I want to give all my love, care and concern to her. I have told her so. But all her feelings are blocked for some other guy who (for reasons best known to him) is unable to accept her. And yet she's not able to break free emotionally. And is thereby unavailable to feel anything for me.' I told him to chill first and said, ' Her state is understandable and she needs you more today as her bestest friend who will stand by her and listen to her periodic heart bursts and give her space. You can still give your pure love, care and concern which should not diminish even a little just because she's unable and unwilling to reciprocate your feelings. Modulate and mould your feelings to give her your love in the form and extent she needs today and not in the form you wish to give. Can you do that for her sake?' His eyes sparkled. I know something d...

After reading the previous article, a close friend called and asked which ‘Byes’ have been the most different for me. It set me thinking in a flashback and indeed some were particularly disturbing. I lost my mom while I was still studying. I hadn’t experienced life enough then to fully understand its impact. Everything changed overnight and suddenly there was a vacuum. Alarm clock took over her soft hand waking me up every morning. And about 5 years back, I had to bid ‘bye’ to my Guru Haribhai Kothari. He was my mentor, my support system, my ‘adhar’. I owed my very existence to Him. I survived many severe setbacks only due to this one shattered me totally. But one’s Guru never dies. He continues to be my guide through His books, His words. I still feel His presence, His loving hand over me. I miss Him a lot. And then, there was one more ‘Bye’… let it be. And it is time again to remember my mom and offer my gratitude to my Guru’s feet. As you all know, on May 1 every year (my mom’s d...

Here is the month of March again, a sad month for me always as it is time for me to say Bye to most of my students (hopefully now friends) graduating soon. And I always feel that it was not enough, since it was just the other day that I had met them for the first time. In fact, the sad part of it all is that we had just begun to know one another well, and time was now ripe to interact fully with fun, but alas time was up and they would go soon to newer horizons, newer environments. Perhaps, divine grace has made me a teacher only to learn this experience of bidding “byes” year after years. Maybe, I was ill-equipped in doing this in past lives and thus nature in all its benevolence has put me in an environment where I teach the whole year round and then learn my own bitter lesson at the end of every year. This month also triggers memories of so many past students who had become such good friends at the end of their class that they cried on the last day and promised to never say bye b...

In October Last Year, I attended an engagement function of my ex-student and good friend. Her marriage was fixed for a later date in December.  When I reached there, I saw her and her to be husband standing on stage and there was this queue of her relatives / friends / invitees going up and giving them their covers/gift (which they were pocketing without any hesitation). I wandered how this function was any different from her wedding reception to be held later (in just 2 months). The practice of accepting money/gifts (traditionally termed as ‘Chandlo’ in the Gujarati Culture) was initiated in the ancient times in small villages where the entire village came forward to offer their financial help to the family incurring a big expense in their daughter’s marriage. This would ensure that no one family would feel the burden of this event financially. It was a noble intention especially for families with limited resources. And today, where have we brought this down to in the name of ‘Vy...

A very important aspect of a wedding is the marriage ceremony in which the bride and the groom take certain vows and oaths while walking the seven steps round the Agnidev as the prime witness. These resolutions are aimed at attaining a sustained bliss in their lifetime co-existence. Today, the sacredness and the significance of this ceremony itself have been lost. Exhibitionism has replaced sanctity of the sacred verses recited since nobody even listens to them, leave aside understanding or practicing them thereafter. If only the couple knew what oaths they are taking, in and through their wedlock, the divorce rate would not be where it stands today. Every wedding has become a “child-marriage” in a sense that the couple hardly know what they are getting into, and what they are choosing to resolve without their knowing. In fact, the couple and the families often tell the Pandit performing the ceremony to go fast and cut-short if possible, since the smoke is affecting the couple’s make...