Remembering My Guru

It’s May 1^st, most of you know that it’s the day of our family Annual Program in the memory of my mom who left us on this date several years back when I was in the last year of my college.  We have been holding this annual function since the last 20 years at Prempuri Ashram, Babulnath. We have to skip it or postpone it this year. In this journey, for the first 11 years, my Guru Haribhai Kothari gave his 1- hour discourse personally on varied topics. He left His body to reside in my heart thereafter. Since then, for the last 9 years we have Him speak to us through the large video screen – one of his huge collection of recorded talks/discourses of more than 55 years of His life.

I have no hesitation in stating that I owe my very existence today to my Guru. Had Haribhai not been there, perhaps I wouldn’t have been there today writing this article. As with many folks, my personal life too had its own roller-coaster ride – many unrelenting emotional setbacks, shattered emotions, those directionless lonely period of let downs, insensitivity of world… I bow down in sheer gratitude to all these events and people, for they all led me finally to my Guru. His every talk would invariably answer something within deeply. I would meet Him personally and discuss many issues. He knew exactly where I was coming from, and soothed me many times with His divine touch and words soaked in devotion and knowledge. He was a unique amalgam of Gyan and Bhakti, Vedanta and complete surrender. He once told me, “Anjan, if you get what you prayed for, it is Iswar-Krupa. And when you don’t, it is Iswar-Ichha.” And then came the master stroke… “But it is when you are able to feel Iswar-Krupa too in Iswar-Ichha (denials), even when your limited mind is unable to fathom that, it’s then that you are His true devotee.” He lived every moment what He spoke. His Geeta talks (verse-wise), which I listen to every morning for ½ hour, are simply profound, completely life-relating. His talks on Bhakti and total surrender (Chapter 9, 12 of Geeta) can make any devotee cry in longing for the Lord. He always said that Gyan (knowledge) without Bhakti can make a person dry, arrogant, insensitive. He had an extra-ordinary sense of humour. He said that if you are truly spiritual, then you will necessarily be worriless, fearless, self-satisfied, in true acceptance, always light-hearted and naughty like Krishna, but full of love and life like Him. Till we reach that state, we must learn to accept each other as imperfect, since we are all work-in-progress over several lifetimes. And I know that all the above setbacks and sufferings I went through before were only due to ignorance, zero devotion, non-acceptance, and above all no Haribhai in my life then. But as Sri Aurobindo says in His epic ‘Savitri’ that “Our errors are His steps upon the way” and “The Supreme Diplomat (God) makes our fall a means for a greater rise.”

Yes, I did lose everything again when Haribhai left. His words, books, commentaries are intact, but I miss that soothing hand, His tight grasp of my hand bowing to His feet, His being just a phone-call away, His stride, His smile, His saying once to me in Gujarati, “O Anjan, don’t be so serious… when a person is in Hospital and everyone says he is serious, you know na what they mean… so don’t be serious.” I won’t Haribhai, I won’t… And I also won’t ever finish missing you and thanking you.  

P.S.: You can always find on YouTube for Haribhai’s small extracts on varied topics – including Life, Love, Surrender, Marriage, Relationships, Geeta, Parenting, etc.