Love - On Valentine's Day

If there is one word which has never got the respect it deserves, then it is "Love". It is also a word which has seen upon itself the highest distortion and misuse. We have used (or should I say abused) it so much that very few feel the need to know what it really means. Everybody seems to know it, everybody seems to practice it too in their lives. But alas, how many of us can claim to live it. When we say "I Love You", what does it really mean? Unfortunately we never felt the need to learn its sublime essence. If asked, we would just nod and say "Ofcourse, I know the meaning of love. I love my parents, my spouse, my children, my friends, my God too, my.... the list is endless." We believe that it means attraction, liking, passion, a deep longing, a sense of mineness, care, missing someone, feeling deeply hurt if it is not reciprocated, and feeling shattered if that person leaves us.
But the checklist is different when we are taught 'True Love' in the life of Saints. This list is, at times, contrary to our believed definition of Love. A few examples of this list are:
1.   Acceptance of the other person as he/she is with all his/her weaknesses. We need to adapt to them, not endorse them. 
2.   Understand that every person is on their own journey of evolution and thereby has a different nature/perception.
3.   Everybody is fully right from their own perspective.
4.   Nobody has the jurisdiction to change anybody else’s nature. So “If-you-love-me-change-yourself-to-my-way-of-living-and-thinking” is strictly banned.
5.   Love is “inspite of”, not “because of”. Love is to give.
6.   Your love is tested when the other person does something which does not fit into your desired pattern of conduct.
7.   Love means “no demands”. The more you need the other, the lesser can you love them.
8.   Love dissolves the hurt feeling, it does not cause it.
9.   Love means complete absence of possessiveness (that is, you-are-mine syndrome).
10.Love can only increase with the passage of time. If it declines as one comes to know the other more and more, then it only means that we loved only our own self.
Personally, when I was exposed to this list, I realized that I had none of the ingredients it spoke of. This squarely dis-qualified me from loving anyone till I could learn to love her truly. When I see marriages, it seems as if two K.G. students are entering a post-graduate or a master’s course completely unprepared. I have chosen to stay away till I atleast graduate in this endeavour. How can I possibly cheat the one who is choosing to surrender herself to me?
A Happy Valentine’s Day to you all!

Comments

  1. ParamFebruary 19, 2016 at 3:21 AM

    Brilliant as always.

    ReplyDelete
  2. food for thoughtFebruary 20, 2016 at 9:58 PM

    Agreed that in love one should not expect the opposite person to change, but does that also mean that the opposite person should be conveyed that I too should be accepted the way I am?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anjan DangarwalaFebruary 26, 2016 at 3:35 AM

      No, Not at all. Since, love means no expectation of reciprocal demand. Expecting someone to accept you the way you are, would then be a bargain and not love.

      Delete
  3. food for thoughtFebruary 20, 2016 at 9:59 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dry waterMarch 9, 2016 at 11:40 PM

    Brilliant.. I couldn't agree more but what i would like to know how can one really love this purely... In today's age, everyone is looking for a degree to get married with and not a person. In fact i read a marriage Board outside the wedding ground... Varun CA Weds Sachi Lawyer... I started laughing...

    But on a serious note, how should one start or learn to love purely.. How can one realize the true meaning of love..

    If you could lighten up on this..

    Thanks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anjan DangarwalaMarch 22, 2016 at 10:37 PM

      You can begin with impure love, because True love is not something you can practice straight away. It is the effect of a lot of Satsang done. It is okay if your love is impure, that is mixed with selfishness, wanting a return, etc. to begin with. But, gradually realize that this not love but self love. And you need to introspect daily on this and make amends as per one's capacity to stretch.

      Delete

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