Some Feelings..Some Words...From The Heart...

Haven’t we all noticed that after the honeymoon period ends, our married life/romantic relationship faces a neutral/dry period? This phase of the relationship has no heat, no romance and possibly no love. It eventually leads to break – up, divorce, cheating or being a part of love-less relationship only surviving on the fear of society. Why is that? How do we ensure that the love quotient doesn’t reduce? How do we ensure that even after 20 years of marriage, the heat and romance is maintained? Only by doing 4 things in our life, we can ensure that our life will be beautiful, where love is concerned. 2 things we have to remember and 2 things we have to forget. -           REMEMBER everything our partner has offered us When they remember our birthday, cook for us, etc., are we grateful for it? We do thank them, but we forget that we don’t deserve anyone who should remember the day we are born or cooking for us. By not forgetting this feeling of...

Many people ask why a person does not change in spite of listening to and agreeing with many discourses, and sessions/seminars/camps? While the reasons would vary according to people, it is normally due to the fact that most people listen but not internalize through contemplation. It is like eating food, but not chewing enough and thereby not digesting it.  Repeated listening, and thinking over it is necessary. What we hear at a Satsangh, etc. is, in a sense, like the Pandavas in the Mahabharat War. They were few (only 5). And they had to combat the vast Kauravas (100), in whose army there were stawarts like Bheeshma, Dronacharya, Karna. Here Pandavas metaphorically are what we intake, listen from evolved souls/saints/seers. But once it goes in, it has to combat with our past archives in our subconscious, like our set beliefs, views, opinions, which are not only many, but also deeply entrenched, which we always held as correct, practical, flawless. And the stalwarts are our strong ...

We have virtually no control over the external event, situations, behaviour of others or their deeds. No husband can control the wife, no mother can control the son or daughter beyond a certain age. ‘Can’ should be replaced here by the word ‘should.’ But when we refuse to appreciate that we should not try to own or control anyone, then nature in its infinite wisdom teaches us that we cannot even do that. But we feel hostile to the other’s refusal to be owned in the name of care or love. This hostility when expressed triggers the other’s obstinacy and promptly leads to being alienated. Now both feel that the other is responsible for this alienation due to errors of omission and commission. Nobody is willing to take responsibility for our inability to dissolve our initial hurt which was caused by our lack of understanding the laws of living and loving which made us want the other person to function as per our own desired mental pattern. This amounts to an immoral act of treating the othe...

A close friend asked me “Why do I suffer so much in the relationship when I just want to love him? Why there is so much anxiety, fear, anger, grief I go through in this?”  The truth is that in love, there is really no place for any of the above energy-sucking emotions. In most cases (exceptions few apart), when it is said, “I love you,” it normally means (consciously or otherwise), “I want to possess and enjoy your presence in my life.” It all starts with a thought, “She is mine alone to own/possess.” This thought is extremely intoxicating to start with and our untrained, unexamined mind is unable to see the veiled Satan in it. The Geeta rightly observes in a different context that what is nectar in the beginning is poison at the end and vice-versa. Instead of dismissing this first thought, we strengthen it while we get to know the other more, resulting in a strong attachment leading finally to a desire to ‘get’ her. The intoxication reaches its pleasurable peak. Of course, this do...

Last week I got a call from my dear friend. She was chosen to be among the many for a prestigious award in the corporate marketing world. There was just a problem she discussed about this that she had just quit her job and at present was not yet employed elsewhere. Her friends in the corporate sector advised her to maintain silence about this while she was to register herself giving all her details to the award committee, as they were of the opinion that this could jeopardise her receiving the award as she was technically unemployed. When she told these friends that she would be lying indirectly which she was not comfortable about, they pooh-pooh her honesty and told her to be worldly – wise instead. But she was not totally convinced and her intense spiritual quotient and sincerity pricked her conscience and her commitment to Truth, come what may. Her friends thought she was crazy to entertain these thoughts. One of them even went to the extent of telling her that whenever this ‘morali...

I had long back heard from Swami Tejomayananda that our life could be summarised in 3 words. The placement of these 3 words varied according to our age. As a child, we are naturally in the state of enquiry and wonder. We say often then, “Tell me, Why?” The child is always keen to know ‘why’ of everything he observes. This is the stage of innocence.  As the child grows into a teenager, he starts feeling that now he knows what life is about what he needs to do, to aspire, to get, to enjoy. This is fine, but along with this he also develops a sense of arrogance (exceptions apart) depending on many factors. He wants to be with his friends more than his parents/grandparents. He normally tends to disassociate himself from the happenings of the family in his family, and if his mother or relative tries to tell him (share) about what is happening in the family, neighbours, relatives, society, at times he ignores or says the 3 words within, “Why tell me” meaning why are you bothering me abou...